How to get back together when your ex doesn’t want to

Trying to rekindle a romance with someone that doesn’t want you back may seem overwhelming. A lot of times, people misunderstand the real reasons that the other person left in the first place. Even if your ex claims that they don’t love you that may not be entirely true.

Many couples break up over some of the silliest things when you stop and think about it. Quite often, it may have been over something that was said or a misunderstanding. If your ex is a little stubborn they may have “dug in their heels” for no good reason. Nagging and yelling at them is not going to get them to think rationally again.

Sometimes, the best person to give advice is a family friend, a parent or someone that your partner respects and admires. Chances are they are just as upset about your break up and more than willing to help out any way they can.

The reality is that relationships fall apart for a reason. If you are trying to get back together and your ex doesn’t want any part of it you have to get inside their head a little bit. Rather than looking at it from your point of view you have to put yourself in their place.

You need to be asking questions like: why do they feel the way they do? did I handle a situation poorly? could I have been a little bit more understanding and open minded? where did I go wrong to make them not want to come back? When you have got an answer to some of those things you can formulate a plan of attack.

You see… we all want to be understood. It’s not absolutely critical that everyone agrees with us all the time because it just doesn’t happen. Being in love involves give and take with a strong dosage of compromise.


It’s almost impossible to make a relationship work again if you haven’t REALLY answered the question of ”should I get back together”. Only you can answer that question. Were you the victim of a violent act or being physically harmed in the relationship? Co dependency is a big problem (primarily with women) that don’t have enough self confidence to venture out on their own even though they should. Those are "no brainer" situations that you shouldn't even have to think about.


If you both felt like breaking up was the best thing at the time to do it probably was. Situations and circumstances change though. That’s not to say that you both didn’t make a mistake but your first reaction is usually a pretty good indicator of what you should do in the long run. Chances are you had both been giving a lot of thought to ending the relationship long before it happened.

Couples counseling is a wonderful investment if you are both confused. It takes time to sort through your feelings. A licensed professional can help both of you deal with issues that you may not have even realized were under the surface. A wonderful resource that you might consider as well is the “Magic of Making Up” eBook. It’s filled with lots of practical advice that you won’t find anywhere else.

After you first break up it’s only natural to be attached to your ex. You have invested so much of your energy and time into building up your lives together. As time goes on you can really answer the question of “should I get back together with my ex”. It’s not easy being objective for a little while. Give yourself some time to sort through things.

Be patient and let your ex know that you will be waiting for them. Reassure them that you made a lot of mistakes and realize that you were at fault in so many cases. They will soon be willing to open up and admit their failures as well. Time heals a lot of wounds. Many couples are so much happier once they get back together after a break up. It can be a sobering experience but one that gives them strength and wisdom.

Just be sure that you have really dealt with all of the issues that caused your break up in the first place before getting back together. Keep in mind that behavior modification comes from within. Willing parties will eventually prevail!