How to improve marriage instead of walking away...

It is so much easier to concentrate on how to improve a marriage instead of walking away. Living together with someone that is different is never easy. It doesn't matter how long you have been married as you well know.

Unfortunately, there are some questions that need to be answered if you are going to make any progress. Is your partner a control freak that is never going to change? Have you tried being a different person for him or her and it hasn't accomplished a thing? Are you willing to change even more to make this situation work?

With proper counseling and hard work most relationships can be saved. The obvious questions is: are BOTH of you totally committed to "turning this ship around" and going in a different direction? If the effort is lackluster the results will be to. Things may be okay for a while but eventually you'll be back in the same place again.

The vast majority of us are products of our childhood. If you grew up in a broken home with dysfunctional parents the odds are pretty good that you have some deep emotional scars and baggage. You end up replicating the behaviors that you had in your home when you were growing up and passing them on to the next generation.

Many people have so little self esteem that they believe they are not entitled to being happy. By all means if you are clinically depressed don't try and tough it out on your own. There are some wonderful mental health professionals that can prescribe medication or therapy.

Dependency (whether it's due to financial circumstance or emotional issues) is by and large the main reason people stay in toxic relationships. The sad reality is that they can't see how their lives might actually be better if they were to walk away. We all get comfortable. Change is not an easy thing for any of us.

A rotten marriage where you are constantly being torn down is unhealthy for everyone involved. No matter what you do it's never right. The other person may be so bitter and angry about something that happened in their life that they transfer those things onto you. If that is the situation you just have to tell your partner that the situation has to change if they expect you to stay in the relationship. You have got to be firm and steadfast in your commitment to leave if things don't change. After all, you deserve to be happy and should not be exposed to abuse of any kind.

Manipulative relationships are usually a sign that your partner is extremely insecure. They need to be in control because their own world is so fragmented and disorganized. Therapy groups are a wonderful option where you can share your feelings with others that are going through the same thing. Find one and get involved as soon as possible. The support that we can give each other is priceless.

Last but not least: nagging doesn't change people. It may work for a while but they usually end up reverting to the behavior they had before. Find someone that is not involved in the relationship that you respect (perhaps a member of the clergy) and go with your partner for counseling. Tell your partner "I need your support in this" or I need your love" and tell them why the issue at hand is so important.

Remember, it takes work to restore my relationship" making up is never an easy road. It takes time and commitment. Only you can decide if the relationship is worth saving.